As simple as the meaning of the word reciprocation is, it is just as difficult to understand to put it to practice. To reciprocate, one has to be present in a situation completely, with full attention, otherwise reciprocation has a few mean friends who show up instead, unwanted-ly like an "impulsive reaction" or "defense" or worse, "comparison".
As kids, we were taught comprehension, where we had to read a paragraph and answer the questions asked, only from that paragraph. I think that was a useful exercise; keeping it contextual.
But with piled up experiences of human connections, emotions, memories & feelings, our intentions, thoughts, words & consequently, actions are influenced continuously. We find it difficult to separate ourselves from repeating patterns of hurt, deceit & disappointment. While this happens, I have heard a lot of people say, 'This always happens with me' and they focus on ALWAYS HAPPENS rather than why? The need to dig deeper, look beyond is very easily categorized as over-thinking by people who find comfort in not confronting their own ways of life. Their patterns. Our patterns.
Now people being people, are dynamic in nature and do not comprise of a general single way of life. That leaves us with a complex task & confusion of understanding all the people around us, understand their intentions & actions. We would be infuriating the whole time with thoughts and analysis.. "She talked to me like this because she has a grudge against me.." ... "He always behaves like that with me..." ... "She is jealous of me" .... "He can't stand me..." ... "She purposely doesn't want me to succeed.." ... "He's insecure, that's why he questions me.." ... "He wants me to fail.."..
What we get, if you think, as a conclusion is nothing more than a reflection of our thoughts about what other people might think. After hours of research, analysis & judgments, you are only left with what you know and how much you know. Then in this case would it be simpler to work on a single person. One thing at a time kind of thing. Who would you pick, if you had to change just one person?
It's far easier for us to conclude how people need to change and in what areas. We are even quick to extend a hand for the ones we see in need and we are eager to help someone out by listening to them and coming up with life hacks. But carelessly so, we ignore ourselves. We may think, it's just me.. and it's alright! But regardless of your esteemed judgments of others, you will agree that you have no control over other's behavior.
Better said than done, isn't it? We feel INSTIGATED to initiate change in others. Words have power, so we have heard more than once. but do we really believe it? I end up accepting most uncomfortable situations by ensuring the blame is not on me. In fact, also would spend endless hours trying to crack the situation, by going into micro details, judging every aspect of the situation, analyzing, trying to look for the comfort of justification.
"She shouldn't have screamed...he shouldn't have made me feel that way... that man is very rude.... this girl should have manners... he has no idea... it's unfair... "
Our biggest fear, therefore isn't being subjected to injustice only, but to be sure that we are not to be blamed. The one who feels guilty goes through a tremendous pressure of evaluating his self worth & make change within. Its more or less like performance anxiety. The need to be right then becomes a necessary element of our being, making us capable of quick defenses and reactions.
Our finger is pointing at an element we have no control over, more so, not towards the one we can control and change.
The mirror pines for an eye contact
It has things to tell you
Things you know
Things that are you
It craves for attention
Whilst you just look through
As kids, we were taught comprehension, where we had to read a paragraph and answer the questions asked, only from that paragraph. I think that was a useful exercise; keeping it contextual.
But with piled up experiences of human connections, emotions, memories & feelings, our intentions, thoughts, words & consequently, actions are influenced continuously. We find it difficult to separate ourselves from repeating patterns of hurt, deceit & disappointment. While this happens, I have heard a lot of people say, 'This always happens with me' and they focus on ALWAYS HAPPENS rather than why? The need to dig deeper, look beyond is very easily categorized as over-thinking by people who find comfort in not confronting their own ways of life. Their patterns. Our patterns.
Now people being people, are dynamic in nature and do not comprise of a general single way of life. That leaves us with a complex task & confusion of understanding all the people around us, understand their intentions & actions. We would be infuriating the whole time with thoughts and analysis.. "She talked to me like this because she has a grudge against me.." ... "He always behaves like that with me..." ... "She is jealous of me" .... "He can't stand me..." ... "She purposely doesn't want me to succeed.." ... "He's insecure, that's why he questions me.." ... "He wants me to fail.."..
What we get, if you think, as a conclusion is nothing more than a reflection of our thoughts about what other people might think. After hours of research, analysis & judgments, you are only left with what you know and how much you know. Then in this case would it be simpler to work on a single person. One thing at a time kind of thing. Who would you pick, if you had to change just one person?
It's far easier for us to conclude how people need to change and in what areas. We are even quick to extend a hand for the ones we see in need and we are eager to help someone out by listening to them and coming up with life hacks. But carelessly so, we ignore ourselves. We may think, it's just me.. and it's alright! But regardless of your esteemed judgments of others, you will agree that you have no control over other's behavior.
Better said than done, isn't it? We feel INSTIGATED to initiate change in others. Words have power, so we have heard more than once. but do we really believe it? I end up accepting most uncomfortable situations by ensuring the blame is not on me. In fact, also would spend endless hours trying to crack the situation, by going into micro details, judging every aspect of the situation, analyzing, trying to look for the comfort of justification.
"She shouldn't have screamed...he shouldn't have made me feel that way... that man is very rude.... this girl should have manners... he has no idea... it's unfair... "
Our biggest fear, therefore isn't being subjected to injustice only, but to be sure that we are not to be blamed. The one who feels guilty goes through a tremendous pressure of evaluating his self worth & make change within. Its more or less like performance anxiety. The need to be right then becomes a necessary element of our being, making us capable of quick defenses and reactions.
Our finger is pointing at an element we have no control over, more so, not towards the one we can control and change.
The mirror pines for an eye contact
It has things to tell you
Things you know
Things that are you
It craves for attention
Whilst you just look through
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