Nani ka ghar...

i just sat with my legs folded, my hands embracing them tightly to my chest and i just sat and stared into void as rain drenched me, i just sat on my Aai(maternal grandmother)'s house's terrace( in puri, orissa )and i just stared into void as rain made my hair wet and they fell on my forehead and shoulders and i shivered. This is the house where i learnt togetherness, where i jumped and ran and screamed and played with my cousins.. this is where most of my holidays were spent.. this is where a part of heart remains, always...

my youngest Mamma(maternal uncle) ailing from quadriplegia was taken care of by Aai for 14 long years..it was her routine, she lived for him.. for 14 years, she got up to only turn him on his bed so he didn't get bedsores, for 14 years, she brushed his teeth, for 14years she fed him tea with a straw, for 14 years, she fed him before she ate, for 14 years she had a companion[considering my ajja(read maternal grand father) died  16 years back] right by her bed. He just lay, ever so waiting, waiting to be turned, waiting to be fed, waiting to be scratched..

and she just faithfully lived and pampered her baby of 44 years at her own old tender age of 76, she just smiled, and made her way along for him.she ignored her knee pains, her aching back, her bending body and her swollen ankles, she complained seldom with her priorities straight, she lived for him and made sure her baby was comfortable, through day and night.

when we visited on holidays, we sat in their room as he told us stories from the TV and of his own. We watched movies together as Aai would slip out her tressure box from under the bed, her box of Masalas and Beetle leaves, she made tiny paans for all of us(cousins) and teased us and pampered us. we sat with them and watched the rain from the window and later made boats and put them in puddles outside his room...

he was her living encyclopedia, he knew what medicines she had to give him and what she had to take, he knew what channels were there on the TV set, he knew she had a stock of biscuits in the cupboard, he read messages on the phone for her, he even read the newspaper, they talked about all the relatives and sat together through the night as Aai made pan for both from her big box of masalas and Beetle leaves. 

they were each other's world, one lived for another.. they knew no other routine. We all lived in our big cities with the only comfort that both of them were fine with each other.. always worried what Mamma would do lest anything happened to Aai at her old age. but they were a team, they pulled on...

everything went on like it was, until the morning of 14th of July, 2011, when suddenly in his sleep, Mama left the cage of his ailing body and passed away, just like that. not a word of pain, nor a complain..He just left.. and left us all in a spell. in a spell of shock, in a spell of confusion, in a spell of anxiety and in a spell of fear.

shocked we were because he didn't show a trace of pain or a sign that he was going..

confused we are because we don't know if we shouldn't be happy for he is now free...

anxious we are for my dear Aai doesn't know an alternative living, she always considered she was going to be the first one among them to go. 

scared we are to teach Aai a new routine, a new way, a new life...

i sat on the terrace of the same house, wondering if Mama ever dreamed of coming out to this terrace and staring like i did, as am surrounded by trees so green, the wilderness of a village and rain drops. i wonder if he wanted to be ever so free.. he is now and i embrace myself stronger to feel him standing somewhere nearby, contently exalting in a life after death.. I prayed for his soul, i prayed for my Aai, for her to move on...

i packed my bags and watched her wiping her tired eyes as tears rolled down her wrinkled cheeks and lips stained of Paan masala as she's week to speak. the house was not the same, not for me, not for her, for none of us... for 14 years we came to a duo, the duo who made us smile. for 14 years we came to the house with the hope of progress..

Death won and freed my Mama and the house is just not the same anymore. As the Taxi honked outside my Aai's old big house, to take us to the airport, i hugged her and asked if she would make me a paan. She smiled and hurriedly took out her box of tressure, made me a Paan and packed it with love. and as i put it in my mouth and waved her good bye, i felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks.