while trying to let the tea gorge down my throat and maybe provide some relief from this impending treasure of bad feelings...i looked up and saw a piece broken from a wall hanging in the office,,,i turned my eyes away feeling deeper down... and my eyes rested on the pendulum of the wall clock and as depressing as my perspective got, the pendulum wasn't moving like it does usually...

i closed my eyes for a while and tried singing a song to myself and all sorts of sad songs started popping in my head, and my alter ego screamed......!!!

i tried concentrating on my breathing and realised how difficult it was getting to breathe.. how heavy my chest felt and the creepiness of depression was spreading into my eyes hands fingers ...nerves...!

i quickly fled from where i was sitting, went away to light a fag and smoke away my angst or pain or freaking mood swing, whichever it was.. i looked down the window and to my distress saw a bunch laborers working their sweat off on a construction and an abandoned(ignored) baby sitting by him/herself, not more than the age of 1, and eating sand...! noone to bother... and suddenly it started crying... and still noone bothered....!

My heart went deeper into the whirlpool of sadness it was harnessing....

there had to be a problem behind my ultra low feelings, i thought. Out of complete helplessness and with no on who knew what i was going through, i texted him, "Feeling depressed, extremely low, don't see a way out. feel like crying".

Pause

and asking no questions thereof, no explanations requested, no discussions sought, I smiled as i read Frank's (my husband, my friend, my love, my guide, the man i am always going to be grateful to god and his parents for) reply, " its okay baby. Enjoy the present, who has seen the future."

the power of togetherness is magic in itself..

i looked down and my perspective changed, i smiled as i saw that the baby by itself had stopped crying and was trying to keep himself busy(by now i know its a him). i came back to my den and gave a slight push to the pendulum stuck and it started moving peacefully again.. i cut the hanging piece out of the wall hanging and sat down to write this...!

the butterflies released!