Self-worth...

For the eighth time I look up from my laptop's screen and scream at my 4 year old as he picked up the bottle and put it to his mouth instead of drinking water from a glass. Since screaming wasn't helping, i thought i did give him the silent treatment. Not more than a minute passed and he plunged on from far, right into my arms, hugging me so hard that i choked a bit. Surprised by his tight hug with his tiny hands, i pulled him and asked him 'What?', now trying really hard to act stern and hide the smile and he smiles broadly and says, "I know you love me mumma!Gussa nai karo, me nai karunga wapis! I love you". with that he sealed our little make up by planting a tight, wet kiss on my cheek. And again, as is the usual, even before another moment passed, he picked up the bottle and held it to his mouth, though with his eyes on me this time, waiting for me to look up from the laptop screen, and as i look, a cute little cunning smile spreads across face and as soon as my eyes started to widen, he started laughing, pulling a glass and pouring water into it with a broad smile spread across his face as i nod with a similar smile.

The innocent, unaltered, unfiltered basis of emotion tells a million things we prefer ignoring. As we grow older, we start realizing or assuming, if i must say, our "self-worth". And with that realization, we shelter our ego and leave the doors open for emotions like anger, hurt, depression enter and stick around. 

How many times do we end up affecting people the same way? Sometimes purposely, sometimes out of habit. but we do it. How many times do we let go off people because of our assumptions? 

Whatever happened to spread the love? We always think anger is the worst emotion. If you look closely, anger is plane innocence to express what you don't like. But to hang on to it and gloat in it... that is where the problem lies.

My personal experience says expectations is the worst emotion possible and is is responsible for the worst that happens. How many times do we say, 'i was always there for a certain person in the times of his need..but when i needed him, he wasn't there for me'.. and then we end up feeling hurt, angry, dejected, depressed, left out, only as a result of our expectations.

A very dear friend once sat through my ranting of how my closest friends have deserted me and how when i need them, they aren't with me, she nodded all through and in the end she asked me one question, "Did you try reaching out?"

We often think, the answer or solution to our anger is making the person realize how hurt we were, obviously holding them responsible for staining our self-worth. So we go all the way with our sarcasm, cold war, silence to show the person how hurt we had been. Often we succeed, we end up making the person feeling sad, hurt, angry and lost. But to melt it down...is that the platform we give our self-worth? 

If happiness is the moral of the story, why don't you shape the story accordingly.

A very very dear friend told me once, your family members are the relations God's decided for you. You don't have a choice but to put up with them and be influenced by them. But your friends, you should choose. You are not obliged to stick around people who necessarily, repeatedly hurt you and those who you can just not please.

We hold unto our losses, our hurt, our anger only because our self-worth is in question. But if you filled much happiness within, that you only see the best things in others, their wrong won't seem so bad anymore.

I read it somewhere, that 'Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.'

Anger, hurt, losses, depressions, dejections, happiness, smiles, praises, forgiveness and love... they increase as much as you share them.. Share wisely, love blindly:)and forgive easily.

In the end, remember we are all looking only for two things, each one of us, no matter how subtly we show it or how loudly, but that's what we need and that's what we don't give- Approval and Attention.