When the morning gathers the rainbow
Want you to know I'm a rainbow too
So, to the rescue here i am
Want you to know just if you can
Where i stand, know, know, know, know, know
the song plays on full blare on the player. As meaningless tears roll down, the cigarette slowly burns down the little box of treasure inside... the box that used to keep smiles, happiness, kindness, love, spring, summer, raindrops, long silent walks, hours of togetherness, slow and passionate lovemaking, deep long kisses... the treasures that had promised Myra at a time to keep her alive.. it had sworn that one glance at it and she would never think of leaving her skin again..
she looks at herself now, as if standing outside of her body, examining, pitying, full of disgust, sitting in the closed car, sweating, smoking her heart out, with no energy to bring more sadness she listens to Bob Marley pumping with joy, hoping somehow his song would bring a miracle to her heart and bring her the strength to fight her own demons. the demons that assaulted her, leaving her to the ruins... these demons are her own.. they live right under her skin. the demons David had confronted, the demons that had exposed themselves in front of him, leaving Myra to her debris, granting no redemption!
David's tears, his despair, his ringing voice echoes inside a hollow Myra..."if you could desert your parents for me, you can desert me for anyone else".. and her trance is only broken as the cigarette stick burns down between her two fingers..
the one man she had joined life with, with the only hope of happiness, the one man she embraced with the hope of rescue, the one man she was sure of, the one man she had believed to bring her soulful joy, she cheated on him... she destroyed him..ruined his belief on love, life, togetherness,,,
and as Myra lighted another cigarette, contemplating options to bring back David to life, the only one playing on her heart was her right hand playing with the cap of the bottle that had petrol filled in it.. the one way of bring him his life.. to grog down the contents of the bottle with all the courage it took for her to cheat, with all the myth she had created around her, with all the power that had made her unfaithful... she could feel the courage built in her, she could feel it rising into her blood.. the smoke was now starting to suffocate her.. the heart had become a size so unbelievably small that she couldn't locate where that pain was coming from...
David's face full of angst, his body shivering with disgust, his voice quivering with hatred, his hands, his fingers full of hopelessness, his eyes red with the betrayal gave a slight push to the courage of lifting the bottle...
and just as she was about to lift the bottle to her lips, she heard her phone ringing,"mummy, where are you?" a ring tone she had made out of her daughter's voice that rang every time the house number called. Myra was in an uncontrollable fits of tears now.. reckless and aimless.. a cold drop of sweat travelled across her spine as the phone repeatedly rang..! the chain of her courage was broken.. she couldn't desert them anymore.. she didn't have the heart to desert the only person she had found love in now.. she couldn't believe herself of the state she had put her whole world into...
she put the cap back on the bottle... she threw the bottle on the back seat.. threw the cigarette she had picked to light again..
dialed David's number, to seek freedom from this pain.. as he answered,"hello?"
Myra gasped,"i really love you ..please forgive me for what i had become"
"Myra, you have failed me, in a way that i can't help you again, i am dead inside.. i only live for Diana, my daughter, you were my biggest strength and you killed it, you let go off our love, broke the trust, did what you wanted to do, and now i am wounded beyond repair"
" i really do love you, i really seek forgiveness, please give it a last chance for our daughter"
"i have given away too many chances in the hope of having you in my life, you made me strong at one time, now you only break the pillar of hope i stand on for my daughter, you did give birth to our daughter, but you never really became a mother, you did get married, but you never became a wife.. the girl in you still pines to be free, so go away and leave us peace"
"the thought of letting you down, the idea of losing you, the concept of being away from the family i built is impossible for me, please forgive the crime i committed, please i beg of you "
"what would you do if i had betrayed you?"..........
as Myra searched an answer, David had already hung up, and once again she lumped into the car seat, sunk deep in, heaved and broke into tears once again...
